So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
