dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
