just tell him i said nine months
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Randomize
