All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
