Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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