This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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