How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
