the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
