hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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