What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
