I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
