and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
