How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
