Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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