I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
