We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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