one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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