There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
