put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
