Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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