Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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