I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
