You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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