My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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