I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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