I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
