so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
