I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
