you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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