I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
