Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
