i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
