You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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