I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
