I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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