She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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