i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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