I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
