He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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