Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
