so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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