i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
