Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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