Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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