I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
