i just made my gag reflex go away.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
