Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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