I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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