wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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