Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
