Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How naked do you want me to be?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
