Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
