whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
