All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
