Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's the barista slut.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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