the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
