We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
