Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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