Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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