I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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