He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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