I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
