so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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