you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize