Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
