There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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