Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This house was built for laser tag.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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