i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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