6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
